Jingle Times

Breaking news: Police nick Santa’s kidnappers

«couldn’t be bothered gettin’ presents»

When arrested the only words the crooks said were «Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year»

Rome. Following the report sent to us by a reader sitting on a one-horse open sleigh double-parked in Rome’s well-known Piazza Vittorio, the Forest Rangers and the President’s Horse Guards undertook a joint investigation that led to the identification of the hideout of the famous criminals Elly Nagaoka and Andrea Ricci.
Inside the den of the two fishy individuals the investigators found Santa Claus in a daze.
The poor old guy’s beard and hair had been shaved off and he lay in chains, kept under surveillance by a stare-cat.
Near-by a typewriter and a number of letters obviously signed under duress, stamped and waiting to be sent to the major press agencies that carried slogans such as «Comrades! I’m red not because that’s the way Coca Cola made me, as cryptocapitalists claim, but because of my political credo (as well as the shots of grappa I treat myself to) and also because I firmly believe in equality among human beings and the redistribution of goods».
Santa was immediately taken to the emergency ward and promptly hospitalized. The doctors found that he had been dosed up with a drug known as teobromine and that he had been tortured for a long time with jingling bells held close to his ears. The two offenders were taken into custody and led to the nearby station of the Railway Police.
There they were tortured with large doses of Xmas carols until they broke down and declared: «We hope that this Xmas will bring peace on earth to all good children, while miserable torment should be reserved to the mischievous and naughty ones. We hadn’t recognized the old chap; when he knocked on our door we thought it was the umpteenth bloke who fills our letter-box with leaflets and we decided to give him a lesson. What do you mean by “where did the presents end up”? Why do you ask us about Santa’s sack? No, we do not have a market stall at fly market ».
In any case the doctors have announced that Santa Claus will recover his fine shape and will no doubt conclude all his deliveries in time.

Our correspondent www.q-e-d.it